I should have never said hello....

I'm having intense thoughts of overwhelming sadness. I miss you and to know you might not return is killing me. There's so much I feel like I want to tell you. I haven't felt this way in a long time and I honestly just want to recover. I know you say I deserve better than you but what if I only want you. What if I'm turning down guy after guy just stay in your life. I don't want to believe this encounter was in vein. 

Eyes Wide Open

I've been overdosing on those pills and potions Nicky so emotionally mentioned. Possibly ruining my chances to be great with stagnant relationships. I need to escape to a secluded place with no one around me. I need to develop my mind and creativity again. 

Self-centered

You're always going on about what you need; never ceasing to ask about me and what's missing in my life. 

Yet expecting me to help you out. 

There's about to be a drought.  

No more am I more concerned about what matters to you. 

Your thirst and need for me will be the only thing satisfying you. 

Help.

I don't want to feel anymore. 

I don't want my eyes to continue to water at the thought of how detached you are. 

I don't want my body to get excited when you text me back or like a picture. 

I don't want my heart to beat only to be shattered by you. 

I just want to pull back and retreat from this confusion. 

I'm too young for you. 

I need to grow more. 

I miss you

I wish I could express how I really felt. You know so you could see how real this is for me. I crave  to know your inner thoughts and worldly wants. Pressing my lips to yours, I open my mouth to breath you in. Oh I how I want to taste you, I mean all of you. 

Man, I wish I could express the way I feel after one of those late night pillow talks.  Our conversations leave me smiling for hours. Daydreaming of us throughout the day is my personal escape. You keep me awake. 

That's all for now. 

You Know.

Sometimes you have to break your own heart before he gets the chance. It doesn't hurt as bad. 

Childhood Memories

I don't speak on my childhood. It's long and complicated. 

If I did talk about it, a lot more people would understand me. 

Too bad I don't care about the opinion of others. 

I don't want to seek any attention. Instead I want to fade in the background just like my past. 

Note to Self: Smile Girl

6 years ago if you would asked me what was my favorite thing in the whole wide world to do, I would have said smiling. I haven't said that in so long. I want to get back to that. 

This morning as I was going through my normal mental talk with myself, I decided that I am going to to get back to that. At that point, I began to speak to myself in such a positive manner. I told myself how much I love her and never want to see her frown. I also said that myself should never allow anyone to steal her smile away. God wants us to be happy and enjoy his love. That is enough to wake up smiling everyday and go to sleep smiling every night. 

Thank you God for the chance to realize  this and the understanding to mean it, in Jesus name, Amen. 

Everlasting Daydreams...

I think I found me. ...again. 

...Me

....Her love can be quite smother-some yet, sweet and powerful 

Me....

She's a nice women; kind hearted and sweet....

New Infatuation

He's specific in the way he describes me.

To him, we're just alike. 

How To Fall In Love: Step 1

Genuine smile when you first great them. If they give you the same smile back, everything is all good.