Issues

Can I just disappear already? Or find the stairway to heaven. I just don't think I'm lovable or that any one will ever love me. It's so hard for me to trust. Every time I let my guard down people prove to me why I put it up in the first place. I don't want to be closed off but I can't help it. I opened my heart once, truly, and it was shattered. I don't think I've ever recovered from that. And it sucks even more being told everything that's wrong with you from someone you've grown so close to. 

Balling up and crying is my best option right now. My next move is disappearing from everyone.