What to do?

I love Jasmine and my babies. I wish nothing but the best for them. 

Yet again I feel helpless in an awful situation concerning a close friend of mine AND my godchildren. 

I just want her to be happy and she's the farthest thing from happy. 3 years and two children later she's miserable and stuck in a situation she so desperately wants to leave.  

I'm praying for the best. I'm pleading with God to make everything better. 

This is just one more thing added to my prayer list...in which prayer is never a bad thing. I just don't want to worry about what's going to happen to them next. This is so hard. 

How can I stay out of the situation when I so emotionally involved? 

God Help Us. 

Momma I love you

I don't know what to do. I never wat to see you hurt or miserable and it's killing me now. Everyday I'm thinking about ways to get more money to help you. I feel so helpless. I wish there was more I could do...I really do. I've tried to ignore it and now it's just worse. You're my everything and I want nothing but the best for you. I wish I could grant you all the wishes and prayers you've been longing for but I can't. I'm only one person with limited power. It's not like I can share this with you. It'll only upset you more. I don't ever want you to feeel like you failed me. You've always done your best to make sure I'm good. I just want to return the favor. 

Issues

Can I just disappear already? Or find the stairway to heaven. I just don't think I'm lovable or that any one will ever love me. It's so hard for me to trust. Every time I let my guard down people prove to me why I put it up in the first place. I don't want to be closed off but I can't help it. I opened my heart once, truly, and it was shattered. I don't think I've ever recovered from that. And it sucks even more being told everything that's wrong with you from someone you've grown so close to. 

Balling up and crying is my best option right now. My next move is disappearing from everyone. 

Me.

How do I make myself feel better? I long for a companion but there seems to be no one who wants me. At least not in the way that I'm looking. I want to be loved and to love. I want a bestfriend, a real one. I want to be able to share all my secrets with them and more. I just need someone. 

I'm so stressed. It would be nice if I had someone to hold me every night. Someone whose arms I could cry in. Someone I can trust with my last breath. Someone to grow old with. Someone to plant seeds of love with. 

I need someone to catch me when I fall. It sucks having no one. No one who truly gives a shit. 

That's life, right? Well it's not the life I want. 

Guys are Idiots

A few of my guy friends have started this thing saying if you suck dick then you're not allowed to kiss them. I wouldn't be writing this if it didn't bother me but it does a lot! I actually like giving head.  Lol Usually other people's opinions don't bother me. I'm upset now though because I respect their opinion. For as long as all of my friends have known me, they've known what I was about and what I wasn't about. I think it's extremely childish that they even brought this idea up. Like who TF hasn't sucked a dick or two. Lol it blows my mind how little a mans brain can be. Instead of you trying to empower Young Black Females with encouraging words so they'll have enough self confidence to tell a man no when he asks for it. You're calling them worthless hoes. Smh I'm so done with these male children. I mean it's already none of your business what these people are doing in private.